25 Random things about me.

1. There is no situation on this planet that I cannot screw up.

2. God exists. His name, is Calvin.

3. I got kicked out of my kindergarten because my mom told me to be just like I am at home. I was caught atop a wall refusing to come down. Ahem, maybe the fact that I was stark naked while doing so may also have influenced the decision.

4. My nanny used to smuggle milk in a bottle for me at school till the age of 7.

5. I learnt to ride a moped before I learnt to ride a bicycle.

6. I am terrified of heights.

7. I am a surgeon's dream. My attitude towards surgeries surprises the most seasoned surgeons.

8. I am a biker at heart. I will always love two wheels and a motor in between. The optional wind in the hair, is of course, a given.

9. I love my dad totally and totally. Which maybe explains why we cannot be in close geographical proximity.

10. I sing best when I am alone. Same goes for almost anything I do.

11. I love dogs and tigers. I hate domestic cats.

12. I love kids before they become the "I know it all" smart asses.

13. As someone said, I never really grew up. I sometimes behave in public, just for the heck of it.

14. I generally don't make friends. Once I do, even god can't save them.

15. I am the god of sex appeal and banana flavored protein milkshake.

16. I have lost 3 best friends within a month to road accidents. All three were single children.

17. I actually wrote a theses on running a poultry farm when I was in engineering college.

18. I never remember birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I frequently rechristen people.

19. There are very few people who can make me laugh. Real hard.

20. I have an in-built mp4 player in my head.

21. I can drive (in Hyderabad) despite no depth perception.

22. I love chocolate ice cream with extra chocolate sauce and chocolate chips.

23. Given a choice between Pamela Anderson in Baywatch and Pamela Anderson in Barb Wire, I choose Kingfisher strong. Or Jack Daniels. On the Rocks.

24. I am generally lazy.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

Hey all. 

Long time. 

Happy married life Masta. 

Couch, you and I are very similar. We both love nature. You love wildlife. I love my wild life. You and I love watching birds. You are an ornithologist, I am a hornithologist. It was a pleasure meeting you. Thanks for the flute. 

Big Fat Man sayeth: 

"You will only miss those who make a difference in your life and go."

Beetle, sup?

Nisha, I just read the 25 random things you wrote. "If" is my favorite too. And, ahem, thanks for calling me a fine person ya. 

It is strange that there is now no reference point in my life. It amuses me no end. I actually wrote a huge post about a bag lost in transit. My life is very similar to that. I am lost in transit, I don't know what baggage I am carrying. 

Anyway, I hope all of you guys out there are doing well. Will post something soon.  

Cheers till then. 

"Checchax kanna" starring nimma abhimana Romanchak Nanchak Manja, Silk Smitha Akka Polyester Padmaja, Etc., Etc. Saparivara sameta ivvatte nodi.

Q. Why have there been no blog posts recently?

A. Recession maccha. Re - Session.

I got braces on my teeth, my dog is gay, drove some distance on the highway (thanks to RamK), shifted lock, stock and one smoking katana from V to Hyd, the blog turned one very silently and there are five official followers now.

Met an awesome person who has terminal cancer. I said, "It is amazing that you consciously have the will to live when you know that you are surely going to die." (Deep, what? Original from me.)

The person said, "I don't have an option."

Cheers to you, mate. Go scare the shit out of death. And what with the bald pate and braces, I can join you with the scaring part.

Okay, time to move the frame to face the events of the day. Shift-ho! What? Further updates as the events warrant.

Ciao all, take care and spare a thought for Speedy Gonsalves.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I wanted to say this. If you are a terrorist from any place in the world, or are a Vogon, you can always nuke, bomb, kill, maim, rape, plunder, molest us Indians. We will gladly take it and even give you thirty answers. You can practically do anything you want. And what with our protocol and system and everything, we will not only take months or years to discover that you have done some irrepairable damage, we will also send you peace envoys. The keyword here, is the thirty questions. Don't forget those. We like to give answers. Even when you screw us.

WANTED

A rich, beautiful, cat-eyed, Maharashtrian Brahmin girl who respects family values and loves animals. The candidate should be able to make mouth watering shrikhand. Age and education no bar. Family background would also be given minimal importance. Alliance called for 31 year old Telugu madhwa Brahmin boy who is well educated, handsome and witty. He is handsome in Hyderabad, and witty everywhere else. The boy is well experienced, having real time experience in the nuances of marriage, handling relatives, attending boring functions, etc. The boy has been married only once in his life. The boy has exceptional qualities of patience which are displayed in sari and jewelry shops. The boy has numerous other talents which include, but are not limited to, talking to fish, playing the guitar in a peculiar fashion, suddenly taking U-turns for no apparent reason, randomly buying Adidas shoes, etc. 

Interested parties may please send a huge dabba of freshly made shrikhand for pre-qualification purposes. Brokers/agents please excuse. 

Cupidity.

Hey all. 

I am going to tell you a little story. Let me begin at the end, or end at the beginning. Once you are through with the story, maybe you will understand the reason for my juxtaposition. This is the story of a man. A man whose perspective changed today, on valentine's day. 

Four years ago, the man bought a lot of things to make his house a home. Four years ago. The man dreamt a lot of dreams that he would be in a particular point in life four years later. Today, he sold all those things he bought. He was surprised that all his dreams could only fetch so much. He remembered how his (then) wife and he haggled over the dining table, the wife wanted a six seater, while he was content with four. "All the people we'll ever have over is another sweet couple like us", is what he remembered as having said. How they cribbed and cried at finding the right shade of the dressing table! And the refrigerator,  how he surprised her with that by opening it casually and giving a bottle of water when she had come home from work, saying, "mineral water or regular madam?". The rocking chair on which he had spent so many mornings reading the paper and drinking his tea, the small portable TV which he had since his younger days (which was a constant source of animated discussions), the mattress which he and his wife carefully selected after taking turns jumping on it in full public view, what wonderful memories they are!

And today, he sold all of them. He decided that there will be no more setting up houses. They say that in every man's life, there comes a turning point which completely alters the person's fate, thought and destiny, but what if you have so many turning points in your life, that you turn full circle?

For the first time in four years, the man was feeling terribly lonely, because all those familiar inanimate things on which his dreams were built were languishing in someone else's homes. Maybe those people would build their own dreams on them, who knows? 

Lynrd Skynrd's "freebird" was playing, his mind was nostalgic while his heart said, "Hello world, I am lonely, would you be my valentine?".

Happy Valentine's day. 

Tirupathi trip

Well, its the first time I am going to tell you about a place where I went. 

Trippers: Me, uncle, aunt, mom and dad. 

Tripped: Tirupathi, Golden Temple (Sripuram - Vellore), kanipakam.

Tirupathi - Got my head shaved. Saw Mr. Balaji. He is fine and conveys his best regards to all. Uncle got letters from Chief Minister, Home Minister, Minister of state for endowments. Dad looked pukka politician with head shaved and those shady ray bans. The last time he went bald was in 1963. I, for once, was happy that we both had the same amount of hair on our heads (Both dad and uncle have awesome hair and hairstyles - Hair transplant, here I come). Went around Tirumala to see Mr. B's feet, kalatoranam, etc. All in all, a good thing to do. They say that when you see Mr. B, you gotta tell him something, I miss all the time. But this time, I told him. I said, "the last time I was here, I had a wife, a secure job, a back, a bullet. This time, I don't have any. How would you like to see me the next time?". 

Golden temple - This you must see. The entire temple is gold plated. Very beautiful. Very gold. Very out of the ordinary. Very commercial. This temple is about 130 Km from Tirupathi. 

Kanipakam - Mr. Ganesh's temple. He is awesome. I like him. Given straight VIP treatment - thanks to dad's shaved head.  

Am back in the beach city for now. Will move out soon. This is for someone out there who just told me what had happened in their life:

When life gets tough, and you don't want to dance, 

go on, break a leg, take a chance.

When nothing makes sense, and opportunity doesn't  give you a second glance, 

go on, break a leg, take a chance. 

When the world turns grey, and there is dust all over your plans, 

go on, break a leg, take a chance. 

When everyone is traveling, and you haven't seen France, 

go on, break a leg, take a chance. 

For this life is all about guts, glory and romance, 

go on, break a leg, take this chance. 

Ringa ringa roses.

I am currently traveling in all directions. My mind has gone west, my back is down south, my stomach is still deciding (read 'going round and round'), so all in all, its pretty hectic. In all statistical probability considering the metaphysical laws of how banana peels can make you trip better than weed, I am moving out of the beach and coming back to the city where I was borun. By the way, I was borun in a place called Dangoria Nursing Home. Which also happens to the birthplace of my ex-wife. Which explains a lot of things. (If ever I have a child, I will tell him/her that he/she was born in a hospital called 'Rock Gods & Super Heroes Super Speciality Super Maternity Hospital') Roger Federer lost, everyone is losing jobs, my pod is not working. This world is coming to an end, I'm telling you.

I will be back as soon as the XIIth round table conference of my body parts happens and all of them agree to stay at one place, even if not very together.