The Chronicles of Hernia: Prince Thespian

OK. The list is finally out. And the ranking, based on a world wide survey (I don't think it was world wide, they dint ask me) is as follows:

1. Batman
2. Spider man
3. Superman
4. Wolverine
5. Iron man

Maybe this post should have been called "How to be a superhero for dummies", but then, that wouldn't have made sense as much as the current title makes. Anyway, way back in college, we had names for each of us ranging from the "Incredible Ice Cream Melting Man" to "Big Fat Man". Yes, it's the same Big Fat Man, though the IICM man is now married and too busy to be the IICM man. So anyway, here is how you too can become a superhero.

1. Buy your undies carefully. They should be made of Kevlar or any other indestructible compound, be rust proof, bullet proof, weather and temperature proof and able to accommodate various gadgets other than your own. They should also be available in bright color options. IMPORTANT!!! Make sure you take a mighty leak before you go on any world saving missions.
2. You can choose to be masked or you could choose the look, like superman or wolverine. If in case you choose the look, make sure you have a good barber for the hairstyle and beard shaping. In case of a mask, you should design it on your own. It should also incorporate all the qualities of your undies but make sure you can breathe properly. In all cases though, your dentist should be damn good.
   
3. You should always have an alter ego who has the IQ of a toothbrush. He/she should always have a first and a last name and your entire name should only consist of two words, for example, Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker, Tony Stark.
   
4. Some sacrifices are in order. Your love life, given your undies, will be lousier than lousy. Sorry about that mate, but you will always have an amazingly good looking chick / hunk who will know who you are, (at least, if not in the first part, later on) and will most probably get killed.
   
5. You should make sure you have a hideout. Given the complex nature of your costume and the time taken to change, make sure it is quite remote.
   
6. In case you are not from the Mutant School or the Oracle's drawing room in the matrix, it is imperative that you arm yourself with the latest gadgets like a GPS, a digital watch with date and time in large block letters, a bottle of Gatorade / Jack Daniels (Make sure you sip very carefully, see important note in 1), a mobile phone with a blue tooth headset, etc.
7. Your opponent, or "The Villain", would always be better looking and maybe even win an Oscar.
   
8. Your costume should be designed very carefully. It should have the color Red. This is essential so that oncoming traffic, local trains, occasional planes, and the neighbourhood kid who you will help at least once in every escapade, know who you are. You should also have some sort of symbol embossed near your chest area for quick identification. You can be any size but the suit should always have the six pack.
   
9. You must make it a point to look at your mask (or face in the mirror if you are the "look" guy) and say, "You are the man" before going to bed ever day.
   
10. You should have a nice name. "Photo chromatic Man", "Iwannahumpalotta Man", "Fender Stratocaster Man", "Police Man", "Post Man", etc., are all strict no-no. If you want to be an Indian superhero, I would suggest "Chota Chettri", "Blade Badshah", "Chirkut Circuit", "Romanchak Nanchak Manja", "Bey-imaan Basanti",etc.

So there you are. Due to certain copyright constraints, I cannot divulge the entire information here. Anyway, I hope you have fun. While you save the world, I shall make sure your love interest (if it's a she) is occupied. I will read her stories about your exploits and draw a pie chart about your popularity ratings. In effect, I will take care of her so well that you will eventually forget you had a love interest.

Well, go on, then.

Viva Voce

Hello.

Hello.

What are you?

A carbon based life form. Biped. Mammal. Scientific Name: Homo sapiens neanderthalensis. Common Name: Rude Boy.

OK. I meant your qualification....

Oh that. I am an Engineer. An Instrumentation and Electronics Engineer.

Nice. What is a transducer?

Its a thing with which you can make juices of various kinds. Like fruit juices, vegetable juices, etc. Err...did you say transducer? That's the same thing as a Mixer Juicer, only it has a transformer in it.

Hmmm....what is a relay?

It's that race thingy where skinny runners run with the stick. And then pass it on to the next guy.

What is DSP?

The ESP that you get when you wear a digital watch.

DSP? Digital Signal Processing?

Oh that. That is getting any work done through SMS.

OK. Could you tell me what a JK Flip Flop is?

It's a cheap alternative to Converse. Almost the same price as our Bata lubber chappal.

Any light on Microprocessors? How many Flags, for example?

Depends on the number of countries involved in manufacturing it.

Thank you. I think I've had enough.

No problem. Chillax mate.

Err...Homo neanderthalensis is extinct, for your information.

I know. I am living proof of it.