1. Batman
2. Spider man
3. Superman
4. Wolverine
5. Iron man
Maybe this post should have been called "How to be a superhero for dummies", but then, that wouldn't have made sense as much as the current title makes. Anyway, way back in college, we had names for each of us ranging from the "Incredible Ice Cream Melting Man" to "Big Fat Man". Yes, it's the same Big Fat Man, though the IICM man is now married and too busy to be the IICM man. So anyway, here is how you too can become a superhero.
- Buy your undies carefully. They should be made of Kevlar or any other indestructible compound, be rust proof, bullet proof, weather and temperature proof and able to accommodate various gadgets other than your own. They should also be available in bright color options. IMPORTANT!!! Make sure you take a mighty leak before you go on any world saving missions.
- You can choose to be masked or you could choose the look, like superman or wolverine. If in case you choose the look, make sure you have a good barber for the hairstyle and beard shaping. In case of a mask, you should design it on your own. It should also incorporate all the qualities of your undies but make sure you can breathe properly. In all cases though, your dentist should be damn good.
- You should always have an alter ego who has the IQ of a toothbrush. He/she should always have a first and a last name and your entire name should only consist of two words, for example, Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker, Tony Stark.
- Some sacrifices are in order. Your love life, given your undies, will be lousier than lousy. Sorry about that mate, but you will always have an amazingly good looking chick / hunk who will know who you are, (at least, if not in the first part, later on) and will most probably get killed.
- You should make sure you have a hideout. Given the complex nature of your costume and the time taken to change, make sure it is quite remote.
- In case you are not from the Mutant School or the Oracle's drawing room in the matrix, it is imperative that you arm yourself with the latest gadgets like a GPS, a digital watch with date and time in large block letters, a bottle of Gatorade / Jack Daniels (Make sure you sip very carefully, see important note in 1), a mobile phone with a blue tooth headset, etc.
- Your opponent, or "The Villain", would always be better looking and maybe even win an Oscar.
- Your costume should be designed very carefully. It should have the color Red. This is essential so that oncoming traffic, local trains, occasional planes, and the neighbourhood kid who you will help at least once in every escapade, know who you are. You should also have some sort of symbol embossed near your chest area for quick identification. You can be any size but the suit should always have the six pack.
- You must make it a point to look at your mask (or face in the mirror if you are the "look" guy) and say, "You are the man" before going to bed ever day.
- You should have a nice name. "Photo chromatic Man", "Iwannahumpalotta Man", "Fender Stratocaster Man", "Police Man", "Post Man", etc., are all strict no-no. If you want to be an Indian superhero, I would suggest "Chota Chettri", "Blade Badshah", "Chirkut Circuit", "Romanchak Nanchak Manja", "Bey-imaan Basanti",etc.
So there you are. Due to certain copyright constraints, I cannot divulge the entire information here. Anyway, I hope you have fun. While you save the world, I shall make sure your love interest (if it's a she) is occupied. I will read her stories about your exploits and draw a pie chart about your popularity ratings. In effect, I will take care of her so well that you will eventually forget you had a love interest.
Well, go on, then.
Well, go on, then.
7 comments:
There is no spoon.
Up, up and away.
And if you check my facebook profile picture...you will find I am already a super hero!
No Stupendous Man in your list of super heroes? Disqualified, I say.
-N
Yowzaaaaaaaaah!
Big Fat Man: You were always a superhero. Your superhero name is Big Fat Man. You are one of the last surviving superheroes, simply because if the earth were to be hit by a loose asteroid with a personality disorder, and the rest of humanity were to be wiped out, you would survive the impact owing to the square feet area that your body can occupy. SO my only advice to you is this: Stay clear out of any passing asteroids who have tried to wipe out the human race and couldn't because of you and then went back, ganged up with a couple more asteroids and decided to launch a multi-pronged, multi-tiered attack on you just when you are reading the morning newspaper.
N: Ae this is the internet list based on (First) world wide survey. And as for S. Man, isn't there one in all of us?
You have still not lost your sense of humour , i must say ,,,you have all these men still live in u,,Jammi,,
U CAN STILL DO LOT MORE !
PLS DO,,,,,SOMETHING ...IN LIFE!
No offends pls.
Anonymous: errrrrr.......hmmmm.......umm........errr..........
What has the damn morning newspaper got to do with anything??
And to Anonymous who posted on 1st October...Groop, I implore thee.
BFM: The 'damn' morning newspaper has got to do with everything. And there is a 'fat' chance anon did not read the guide.
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