IT HERTZ!!

Heya crowd! Howz it hangin in the Indias, the Dubais, the Phillipines, the Atlantas, the Yokohamas, the works?? I currently have two major problems. (I was actually talking to Don on gtalk and Don, if you are reading this, don't read further till you see "eh?". Thanks.)

Hola! So I have two major problems. They are listed below:

1. Universe Problem.

2. Mother of all headaches in stomach Problem.

The universe problem that I have, should not be confused with any universal problem. I will explain it in later sections of this entry.

First, let me concentrate on the second. The massive headache in the stomach problem. I firmly believe now, that my stomach has a mind of its own. I feed it with the same fodder everyday (Breakfast at Venkatadri Vantillu, lunch at office, dinner - 3 Aloo paranthas at panchali), and had orange juice day before yesterday. My stomach was not in the mood for orange juice and refused to digest it. We had a small argument and I thought it was all hunky hunky. (I am a man, so No dory.) But turns out my stomach did not opine as much and had other ideas. The end result is, as you would have guessed by now, loss of considerable weight owing to extreme dehydration and running to the loo every 15 minutes. I have decreed, (I have passed a motion??!!) that I shall live on glucose and other life saving supplements till me and my stomach and my tenant sort this thing out. (24 hours without solid food is maybe making me sound sane.) And, because of this stupid episode, which, also includes me walking temperature (never understood why people always are "running temperature". Mine walks.) I could not call someone on their birthday and sing "puppy bathday to you". But the someone in question was real sweet and called me instead, so I gave a rendition of "puppy bathday to you" at 101 degrees Celsius and with only 4 litres of water in the body. (This water was feeling uncomfortable inside too, and so decided to go take a hike, which it did, throughout the night and through some of the morning.)

"eh?" (Don, you can start reading from here.)

The other problem that I have is with the universe. Oh, I already told you that. The reason for the problem is this:

The basic units in the universe are length, mass and time. Measured by standards called metre, kilogram and second respectively. These units form the basis of science. The whole universe is defined in terms of these three constants. (Or, like N.P from Atlanta would say, they were variables earlier, but Superstar Rajinikanth met them, and they became constants.)

The definitions of these three "constants" was taught to us at school. Fortunately, I never learnt anything there, so I refer to the wiki instead. Anyway, you will find, once you know the definitions of these three things, that they are all relative.

So, we chose to define the fundamentals of our existence on something which is relative. So, the entire universe is bunk. So, shit happens. And life sucks, because if it dint, all of us would fall off.

Thank you.

(Thoroughly disgusted freak who is running high, sorry, very high temperature and is having problems with his stomach, his tenant, his landlord, his dad, his universe, his CEO, and everybody in general. And who just wants to screw up your day too because he is having the greatest grand mother and greatest grand father of headaches in the stomach, temperature which walks, sits down, goes to sleep, smokes marijuana, sleeps, plays minesweeper, etc etc. I don't want to discuss the tenant and landlord thing. )
OK. Wait. I'll tell you.

My tenant told me that he would be vacating the house by 15th April and so I told my landlord that I would be vacating the house by 15th April. My tenant informed me yesterday that he would be vacating the house only by 25th April because the house to which he was supposedly shifting would only be vacated by the 25th April. That was because the current occupants of that house were shifting to another house which would be vacated on the 25th April. So I tell my owner that I would be vacating the house by 25th April and the house owner says,"No. Be a man. Do the right thing. Vacate on 15th April." And then explains that he has already given word to someone that they can move into the house by the 15th of April. And, not surprisingly, it turns out that their house would be occupied on the 15th of April as well. So there. Go figure.